The reason to have social confidence is this: If you don’t, no one takes you or your arguments seriously.
What is social confidence?
There are two types of confidence:
- epistemic confidence: being confident about being right
- social confidence: being confident your role and expressions in social situations
Why epistemic confidence is the wrong value to aim for?
There are a few reasons:
- Our goal is to win most of the battles we encounter. Therefore, we need a strategy that supports this.
- There is infinite knowledge in the world. Infinite perspectives. It’s impossible to fit all that in one brain. Therefore, the probability of being wrong in most domains is high. except the one/two a person is able to master.
- Aiming and being right, doesn’t lead to actually learning. In situations we don’t consider relevance of new information. It may happen that information we have was too old. We need to be updated. The only way we got good at a domain was because we realized how stupid we were in the first place.
- We are social animals. Trying to be always right is detramental and disadvantages to ourselves and to others. We can’t reach sound conclusions. And it makes us take steps out of our egos and protecting ourselves.
- Epistemic Confidence comes out as arrogance. And in many cases it really in arrogance.
- Arrogance is “I am better than you” 1. Arrogance is routed in insecurity.
Why social confidence is a better value to aim for?
- Humans are social animals. We are mean’t to talk and spend time with people. We aren’t lone creatures. Being lone makes is sad. Being with people makes us happier.
- We make better decisions with multiple perspectives. Of course those decisions need to be rooted in values. But these multiple perspectives are like multiple lives lived. Having just your own perspective means you have higher chance of failure.
- Social confidence doesn’t impact clarity of thinking. It improves it. Having good listening skills, being emphatatic, respectful to other peoples opinions and life choices, all make us better as an individual.
- Good things are outcome are social/team efforts. Rarely individual efforts.
- Social confidence comes out as true confidence. And in most cases, it really is true confidence.
- Confidence is “I am proud of myself” 1. Confidence comes from experience and understanding.
Parts to Social Confidence
- Slowing down and ability to be calm
- Being comfortable in social situations. aka you are able to be yourself.
- Dressing well
- Good hygine and habits
- Good communication skills: both listening and speaking