There are my notes of Dr. K’s Video. I recommend watching his video over my notes.
00:00 - Introduction
Some men were kind to women. So, we invented a word called SIMP.
We crapped on dudes who were kind to women.
How Beatles have sex?
Beatles were having sex with Glass Bottle. Something was happening in their brain, and they were having sex with inappropriate mates. Hmmm. Does that sound familiar?
What we discovered is we get addicted to sexual things when they mean “supernormal stimulus.”
02:24 - Supernormal stimulus
Usually, we’ll see someone and would be attracted to them. Some things we can do like a button open where we expose people around us to a more hyper stimulus.
Covered cleavage, slightly visible cleavage or visible tits.
People doing porn figured out that the more extreme the stimulus is, the more people get addicted.
In SIMPS, supernormal stimulus is present.
In the old days, porn was about writing dirty letters. With each step, different parts of the brain get engaged. That means we draw more connections to that thing.
04:03 - Supernormal relationships
We have added other layers now. In the past, we couldn’t interact, but now we can with a streaming platform or OnlyFans, which resembles SIMPING: A relationship that has a social connection.
Adding elements of a relationship:
- Casual interactions
- Daily interactions
- Watching this person stream every day
- Conversation. Getting Noticed. Getting noticed. Special attention among all people.
- Vulnerability of sharing something.
Our brain gets deluded. Vulnerability.
The more boxes we check, the more we add these supernormal stimuli state, and we get into an addictive state.
If we are SIMPing, we likely check a lot of these boxes. Even if it’s one way.
You share vulnerability and intimacy, and your brain gets tricked into thinking you have a real relationship.
07:10 - Being taken advantage of
Being taken advantage of OnlyFans.
The most important question for women is why you can’t ask me that you ask this anonymous person.
In normal relationships, we have safeguards, but in OnlyFans with anonymity, we share a dirty secret and have someone do it. #scrachingThatItch
A reciprocal part of the relationship.
Intimacy: you and I are the only two people who know this is happening.
Vulnerability: sharing something deep and dark. With OnlyFans, they get paid to not judge you and engage in the behaviour.
This supernormal stimulus and unhealthy behaviour gets you addicted.
What do you do about it?
09:46 - Taking the red pill
Every SIMP hater was once a SIMP. All red pillers had trauma with women.
How did I end up paying rent for 3 years, and they went and dated someone else.
How do you protect yourself? You start to take the part of you that cared, and you start to demonize it.
Cuz the part of you that got you into love led to the problem.
Love = OneItis
New terminology that is condescending and denigrating.
It actually helps them in a lot of ways. Red Pill offers:
- Encourages them to take care of themselves
- Become a whole human being on our own.
Problem: To fuel them, they must demonize part of themselves, the one that loves.
SIMP = Demonizing. Now, I hate part of myself.
Psychology, what I hate about myself is what I will hate the most in other people.
If I am myself a cheater, I’ll be paranoid about my partner cheating on me.
Things that we feel in here, we project outside.
If I hate a part of me, that hurts. So what I do is take it outside of me and hate someone else. And then I hate that object out there, and that’s kind of more cohesive.
If I hate the losers out there, I don’t have to hate myself.
This is maladaptive over time as you are taking a good part of yourself (the one that falls in love) and basically demonizing it. Anytime you fall in love, you will retreat away from it.
Double-edged sword. You’d get burnt and taken advantage of. Or you won’t be able to have a healthy relationship. Cuz you’ll retreat away from.
14:04 - How do we fix this in a healthy way?
How do we healthily address this? We just address the super normal stimuli.
We need to understand that SIMPing is not love. It’s actually an addiction.
All research on supernormal stimuli is addiction. This is how we get addicted to supernormal stimuli.
Bettle gets tricked that this is a real person.
Supernormal stimuli trick our brain into thinking this is love when really it’s an addiction.
We have to stop supernormal stimuli from entering our brains. Basic things
- Stop being intimate with this person. (Stop sharing or receiving secret things from this person) #don’tDoThat #dontScratchItchUnhealthilt
2. Stop Casual Contact.
3. Stop sensory stimuli. (Seeing, Heering DMing, Stalk them) all of them will trick us into thinking that this is a relationship.
Stop all interaction with them. #successfullAdviceOnTheInternet (Cut all contact) Go no contact. Why does that work?
- The more we are exposed to SNT, the more we lose control and get addicted.
Telling this doesn’t make it easier. You may have tried going with no contact.
As you start reducing your stimuli, What happens within you? Because if it’s a real love, it’s gonna look different from an addiction.
Addiction → Withdrawal. If I set boundaries, I can’t handle this level of emotional stuff with you; I’m sorry. If you do that, you are gonna experience withdrawal. Oh, I need it. I am sorry, tell me my deepest, darkest secret. You are going to crave that degree of emotional connection.
If you go 2-3 days without talking to this person, you will DM them.
If they are streamers, watch them or on social media, you’d look at pictures. To satisfy your addiction because, once you start reducing, you’ll experience cravings and withdrawal.
The key thing is = That’s not love.
- Love is reciprocal. I love my kids. They love me. If one of them disappears, it falls apart.
- Love is about the other person. I do things for them. I sacrifice for them.
In SIMPing, you are looking for something from this person.
- This is why you are so damn frustrated that they don’t give it to you.
- This is why you hate them. This is why we start hating women. Because they don’t give us what we need. And we start hating ourselves because of why I am so addicted to this crap. I am giving everything, and I am not getting anything back. This builds all the resentment.
- That is the picture of an addiction.
If you truly loved this person, you’d be okay letting them go. Because their happiness is more important than yours.
Pay attention to the difference. When you are doing all these stuff, how do you feel about yourself?** And you are able to walk away.**
If you truly love them, you can let them go and live their life, and you can be happy with them from a distance. But it’s that addiction that doesn’t allow them to go. One wants more of their stimulus, intimacy, casual contact and vulnerability.
Love is reciprocal. Love prioritizes the other person. But when we are simping (addicted), a sense of sacrifice becomes a way to fulfil our own emotional needs.
And when we sacrifice over and over again to fulfil our needs, what happens. → we get taken advantage of. Because sacrifice satisfies addiction. It’s hunger. It’s addiction.
21:09 - Conclusion
At the end of the day, if you wanna break free of this cycle, you have to cut this supernormal stimulus and pay attention to whether you get into withdrawal or not.
If you have hated other women or simps is it because you are yourself vulnerable and get addicted to them. One of them, you’ll start hating women. Or Videogame or DOTA. It’s tragic but what you are doing in your attempts is sacrificing your ability to have meaningful relationships.
Go back and revisit some of these stuff, think through and see if you were really addicted. You can learn to love again.
You won’t be the same addicted beta SIMP.
You have grown as a human being, and you can risk being in love because you are a resilient and good person. And you don’t have to hate women anymore. Because you are no longer addicted. Because that’s not their fault. It’s your weakness and your responsibility to fix.
And as you fix, you’ll stop being a SIMP and learn to love again.!