· 4 min read

Where does our communication styles come from?

Understanding the origins and impact of communication styles helps navigate between healthy and unhealthy patterns, fostering productive interactions.

Understanding the origins and impact of communication styles helps navigate between healthy and unhealthy patterns, fostering productive interactions.
Cover Photo by saeed karimi on Unsplash

Among the different traits humans have, a powerful mind and the ability to coordinate within large groups are the primary things that separate us from other animals. Good communication is important because it can help boost productivity a lot & lead to a sense of deep satisfaction. The opposite is also true. If you communicate poorly, productivity decreases, and you get dissatisfied. Not to mention the other #parties involved get dis-satisfied too.

There are many aspects to good communication, such as:

  • Being able to articulate clearly such that the other party can understand.
  • Communicate in a way that the other party can remember.
  • Communicate in a way such that the other party is more likely to respond.

In the upcoming series of posts, I’ll touch on a few topics I have thought of for the last three years. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, which I believed I was for a long time, you’d find the below article useful.

This particular one compares different communication styles. Their likely origin. And how to navigate them if you see it in yourself or others.

Understanding them may help us #transcend their communication style, see through your and people’s lenses and go beyond (their tantrums 🙃).

Where do our Communication Styles come from? And what can we do about it?

Since everyone is #different, our communication styles are different. Some people are a bit more passive at times, some are aggressive at times, and some try to be both in different situations.

There are many places our communication styles come from:

People close to us

People close to us, especially in childhood, like parents or caretakers, are the first people we try to imitate. I have found I have taken both the behaviours of my father and my mother. #mix.

Our insecurities, #trauma and resolution

During our lives, we go through many ups and downs, and we are likely to develop a communication style for a situation we have faced. For example, if someone is bullied, they are likely to develop a communication style that’s geared towards defending themselves if they sense a newer situation being similar. It may absolutely be that the situation is not like that, yet the defensive communication style may erupt.

In case the scenario got resolved more healthily, we may have developed healthier communication styles.

People we look up to, our aspirations and choice

Even if we grew up with people who could not communicate well or were in scenarios where things were bad, we could choose to follow a different ideal.

This inspiration can come from within or seeing a person we aspire to.

For example, I was mostly #passive or #passive-aggresive for most of my life; after watching JP, I became more assertive, which was way better than what I was.

But just adopting someone else’s style automatically is not good. Because we also adopt their bad communication style. After too much JP, I realized I had become angrier, and while I used to tell the truth all the time, it was a very emotional experience. After watching other people on YouTube, especially Sam Harris, I realized I could be much calmer yet truthful.

Later on now, I believe I’m in a good equilibrium, calm, and composed.


Communication is what our complex neurocircuits evolved for. In the old days, communication was #life and death.

We often don’t formally learn how to communicate well. This is why we borrow communication styles

  • from people close to us
  • or from what worked in a difficult situation.
  • Or from people we aspire to.

We should aim to learn communication formally as it’s a meta-skill. A skill that can help with everything else in life.

If you can learn to read, write and speak, you are deadly. A force to be content with.

I have divided the upcoming posts into Unhealthy and healthy communication.

Healthy communications are productive. Unhealthy communication is not productive and often leads to more problems.

Question for pondering: Where did your communication styles come from? Are they healthy or unhealthy?

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